some older posts from my website

Here are a few posts from my website- I'll be importing them over to this blog as part of a mass migration of sorts ,as I make this my prefered place to blog.

June 4, 2006


Daughter #1 and Mrs. Pearce really enjoyed this last season of "American Inventor"- and I could see why. Some of the ideas were truly inspiring. Of course, the main reason for watching the show was the same as watching any reality contest show: to see the clueless folks who had no idea that they were clueless presenting bad ideas with a clueless grin on their faces. The final four ideas on "American Inventor", though- pretty good ideas, and pretty great implementation of technology.

Technology is great- when it's an improvement.

You don't have to know much about me to know that I love technology; my music depends on it, to a major extent, and my entertainment depends on it as well- what I'm doing at this moment DEFINITELY depends on technology.

This past week, my cell phone was "upgraded" by the lovely Mrs. Pearce. This was an example of an improvement. Concurrently, my cell phone PLAN was upgraded (the motto of my service provider apparently being "why stick with your old plan when we have a new one that costs twice as much?"). This wasn't as much of an improvement. Oh, sure- on this new plan I can surf the web and play a lot of games on my cell phone, but that's not a big deal- and I know of what I speak, since I've spent about 20 hours this weekend web surfing from the phone. No big deal at all. I can stop any time I want. Really.

So when it's an improvement, technology is great. When it's not, it makes you feel like the butt of a joke played by a major corporation.

Case in point: the "new" camera Mrs. Pearce bought in late 1997. She bought this just in time for Christmas, the reason being that she wanted some great pics of daughter #1 celebrating her first Christmas. This new camera had a bit of then-new technology- a "red-eye reducer". This worked by putting out a "pre-flash", so that every picture turned out red-eye free.

And it DID work- there were no red-eyes in the pics of daughter #1. You want to know why? Because daughter #1 had her eyes closed for EVERY one of those pictures; apparently, this "new technology" was never tried on a baby. Babies close their eyes when they see bright things. Which means that a baby's eyes would be WIDE OPEN when looking at the engineer who designed this piece of technology.

There's still one area, though, where technology has been somewhat lacking: the area of raising children. So far, we've been relying on Dad 1.0, but I can tell you, that gadget is full of bugs and quirks and has been making some REALLY weird noises lately.

Fortunately, we have access to Courtney 2.0. The amazing and affordable Courtney has been our salvation for two years now, in quite a few ways. She has taught us a lot about our daughters. After returning home from one of our first night's out, Courtney told us that daughter #2 (then two years old) was a little naughty, and had to sit in the corner. Later on, Mrs. Pearce and I had the following conversation:

Me: I didn't know daughter #2 would sit in a corner

Mrs. Pearce: I didn't know daughter #2 would SIT!

Up to that point in time, my "corrective methods" for dealing with daughter #2 have been time-out's. For ME. I'd send myself to my room when I heard the sound of plates breaking or warranties being voided. Not terribly effective, but it kept me from calling area adoption agencies to see if some kind soul would be willing to adopt me.

And that's where the future of technology lies, in my opinion- child discipline. Here's an idea that is worthy of the next season of "American Inventor", although that's not saying much for either the idea or the show:

Discipline via odor.

It will work like this: the child in question wears a neck-band. It will look fashionable and nothing at ALL like a dog collar, so get that out of your head right now.

On the neck-band will be tiny vials. Each vial will have a specific odor in it. And each vial will be controlled by remote control (and this is where fathers can get REALLY excited about taking part in helping rear the children, because it will be a REALLY cool remote control).

When the child misbehaves, no more yelling, spanking, or writing them out of your will. Instead, you push a button on the remote. The corresponding vial will shoot a little mist upward, and- WHOA!- "over-cooked liver and onions" scent hits the kid's nose.

....talk about negative re-enforcement.......

In the spirit of "let the punishment fit the crime", you could have the odors range from "minor offenses" to "criminal behavior". Playing ball in the house might get a shot of "wet dog on a summer day", while breaking a window would get a whiff of "trapped in the car with dad after a trip to Taco Bell".

In an attempt to make kids WANT to wear these neck-bands, I propose bringing in some fashion designer type to make them look great. And, with a nod to "American Inventor", I already have the jingle written for the commercial- kids would be singing it non-stop, almost against their will after hearing it. Want to know what it is? I close this entry with the jingle to end all jingles:

"Be kind to everyone you meet
'cause naughty smells like grandma's feet"




May 21, 2006


I like white rooms. Apparently, this is a mental disorder in the eyes of my wife and many others.

I like white rooms because they look clean and neutral, and even natural (yes- white occurs in nature- ever see a cloud?). Yes, white is boring- it looks like a piece of paper. But just like a piece of paper, it's the prefect blank canvas for jotting down great ideas- throw on a few pictures, place a few pieces of furniture around, and everything comes together- if not in an exciting way, at least not in a way that overwhelms the eyes.

But no more in this house. As of yesterday, come through our front door and you'll feel like you've stepped into a bottle of Pepto-Bismol.

It's pink. Our dining room is pink. And it's a shade of pink that screams "nothing male is allowed to live here!"

For the most part, Mrs. Pearce likes my decorating ideas. I've proven pretty good when it's come to arranging the furniture and things of that order, making sure that everything looks uncluttered (leaving plenty of space for the daughters to insert the preferred amount of clutter). Unfortunately for me, I was also of the opinion that the white rooms looked nice and clean- thus alerting my wife to my apparent mental disorder. She responded by bringing out Terrie, the "color specialist". And this color specialist absolutely HATED white houses and white rooms- she made mention of this first thing, saying that she had a grandmother who had such a house, and she couldn't stand it. Looking back, I think Mrs. Pearce did a little victory dance when Terrie said this.....

So Mrs. Pearce has been very enthusiastic about changing the color of every room in our house since the visit of Terrie the color-specialist. And Mrs. Pearce told me early on that the color of the dining room would be "a light coral". This was a safe thing for her to say, because there are very few chances of me seeing coral here in Indiana. While the paint was going on yesterday, I commented "this looks pink".

"No- it's more of a coral color", Mrs. Pearce replied. "It will dry lighter".

Don't believe it. It didn't.

After the painting was done, I looked at the lid of the paint can- it said, quite clearly, that the color was "orchard pink".

Pink. Now I know the shock and fear the "Da Vinci Code" guy felt when he stumbled across the big secret.......

I remarked to Mrs. Pearce that right on the paint can lid, the color was orchard pink.

"No, it's more of a coral color", was her reply, this time a little more forceful than before.

The painting juggernaut has started, and the next room to get it will be the living room, which Mrs. Pearce says will be a "light gray". Ah- leave the bottle of Pepto-Bismol, and enter the lung of a light smoker.

I propose that the powers-that-be start naming colors with a reference point everyone can understand (can anyone reading this tell me what color "taupe" is? Ok- can any MALE reading this tell me what color "taupe" is?)

.....I looked it up on-line. The definition? "a grayish brown" That's like saying something is "a blackish white"......

Some suggestions for these easier to understand colors:

"nose-bleed red"- see? you know that one from the offset. "Driveway gravel gray"- don't need a lot of explanation there. "Cheap-o disposable hospital gown Blue"- you see that one in your head already, don't you? "Taco Bell brown". Speaks for itself. "Dr. Pepper can red". A totally different kind of red from "nose-bleed red", right? "Really bad bruise green". A little disgusting, but a lot easier to visualize than "breath of spring" green- yes, that's a REAL shade of green!

But "orchard pink"? As far as I can tell, there's only one thing that grows in that orchard- and that's Pepto Bismol........